


You Make Me Feel New Again

by donquiqui



Series: You Make Me Feel New Again [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ayyyy, Implied sexy times, Inexperienced writer, M/M, More things added, Rating May Change, Sexy Times, Suicide, im making this up as i go, this is angsty and i dont know how i feel, when are they going to frick frack?, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-20 07:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1502459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donquiqui/pseuds/donquiqui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the summer after Junior year and Eren is unlucky in love.</p><p>Jean tries to be a nice friend.<br/>Eren becomes confused.</p><p>Things happen</p><p>Eren becomes not so unlucky in love. e</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Coconut Cake (Tastes Like Regret)

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be maybe like 5 chapters, I hope, who knows.  
> I wanna put some sexuals in later.  
> The major character death has already happened from when the story started. It's Marco I hope you guys don't kill me.  
> Feel free to drop a comment. Let me know if this is something I should continue.  
> Also I plan on making little side chapters with different povs, mostly Armin's.
> 
> I will fix any grammar issues or clarify anything really.
> 
> OR GIVE ME HATE MAIL. I THRIVE OFF OF IT.  
> __________________________________________________________________

In which Eren and Jean become a little bit closer

*  *  *  *  *

 The sunday morning sun beamed down on Eren’s neck and warmed his back. It should have been a nice day and it should have the day that Eren and Mina were going on a picnic. It was another relationship down the toilet.

Why couldn’t he have _anything_ nice?

 

He looked at his phone, hoping he would see a text from Mina offering some sort of redemption.

None.

_Wait, there was a message._

From **_Jean Kirschstein_.** Of all people.

_Why was this idiot even on his phone?_

First instinct told Eren that it was some sort of ruse but, being the impulsive shit he was, he had already opened the message.Surprisingly, all the message said was this:

 

 **Jean** : hey heard what happened. sorry. wanna shoot some hoops this afternoon at 1? The usual park..

 

A flicker of warmth spread into Eren’s chest.

_Wait, what if it’s just a way for Jean to show off his god awful basketball skills._

 

Even if he was being not his usual shitty self, Jean remembered their old hang out. Eren could not stand being in his mind any longer, and he went to play basketball with his archenemy at their old spot. 

Nothing makes sense for him anymore, if it ever did. He wasn't sure now.

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

Eren threw on shorts and a hoodie. The morning was gorgeous. The afternoon sun, however, was beating down a heat wave. Despite this, Eren felt a cold emptiness within himself that had a certain heaviness.

Did he really feel all this because of Mina? That didn't seem plausible.

Sure, Mina was sweet, but she meant nothing more than that to Eren. No matter how hard she tried to capture his attention, it never worked. And no matter how hard he tried to love her more, more, more, more…. it didn’t work.

Truly, she deserved someone more than Eren. Maybe Eren knew that and that’s what scared him.

 

*  *  *  *  *

The walk to the old park was over. Horseface had a cocky grin that dissipated at the sight of Eren’s slump. The bright orange basketball dropped in his hands and rolled to the corner of the chain fence.

“Eren,” was Jean’s first word and that was enough to make Eren silently cry. 

No one else was at the neighborhood park, luckily, and Jean motioned for Eren to sit on the velvety grass with him.

“Is this really all about Mina?” Jean asked. “You were her boyfriend, but not for that long, and I just didn’t think this would have been that hard for you.”

Eren shivered at Jean’s insight. “I don’t know how to start… I don’t understand how I feel, or I do and it doesn’t make sense.” It was strange to Jean that Eren would be so reserved. It would have been more typical for Eren to shout nonsensical things.

 

This was all making Jean nervous. His friend was more of a wreck than he expected. He knew he had to be a strong friend for Eren.

_Me and Eren Friends, that’s a first._

“Just try to say things that feel right,” Jean offered with a honest smile. 

 

But the sight of Jean’s smile being so sincere for once opened a new feeling for Eren that he couldn’t categorize. It made him want to laugh and punch Kirschstein and it was confusing and Eren was confused and the world was confusing and confused.

 

“I guess I feel like I keep doing an incredible job fucking everything up and I have no idea if I can love someone,” Eren said. And he was so afraid of admitting this, but once he did, the words were spirited into atmosphere and no longer trapped in his thoughts.

It didn’t make sense, but then again, nothing did anymore and neither did the next thing that happened.

 

Jean hugged Eren. It wasn’t even a bro-hug, but an all-encompassing embrace. Eren didn’t care anymore about bro-code or what Jean thought and hugged the old horse-face back tightly. Jean smelled like he’d been playing basketball a little too long though, and Eren had to back-up.

“You smell like you live in a stable, horse-face.” Eren said silently.

“You’re such a little bitch Jaeger.” And that was that

*  *  *  *  *

 

Eren and Mikasa and Armin have a tradition for when Eren has break-ups, partially because of the frequency of the occurrence and Eren’s tendency to break things in Mikasa’s room.

The tradition holds that the three of them would go out and to the bowling ring. Eren was horrible at bowling usually, but when he was angry -

“That’s like your ninth gutterball this game Eren,” Mikasa stated. “That’s like a new personal best.” - Eren was god-awful.

His terrible game made them double-over laughing.

 

The bowling alley manager, Levi, had a permanent scowl emblazoned on his face. Today, he was trying to kill the obnoxiously loud trio with mind. 

This also part of the appeal of this tradition; the sheer hilarity of Eren almost throwing a bowling ball at a fuming Levi.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Eren said as he raised the ball and readied himself. “Jean is going to be at the diner later.” Eren got a strike as he mentioned it. Maybe thinking about something other than his anger at breaking up helped. Or maybe it was thinking about Jean that helped. _Nah, probably not._ But still. 

“That’s fine with me, but I thought you hated his guts,” Armin said. “Do you really want to upset yourself with him. You are already all sorts of emotions tonight.”

“I’m fine.. great even. I actually saw him before I went here. I needed to vent.” Eren tried to say casually.

 Armin couldn't help but wonder why Eren would do that. He also felt slightly jealous that he went to Jean first.

 

“Fine with me, as long as he doesn’t try to make a move on me.” Mikasa said.

Eren laughed along with Armin but felt odd that Mikasa said that.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Eren said with a tinge of some negative emotion he couldn’t place.

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

The town’s local diner was always swarming with teenagers on saturdays. Sawney’s was a great place to get some greasy comfort food, but it was a well kept secret to few others than the trio that Sawney’s had the best ever brick-oven pizzas. Jean for one was surprised. Armin got cheese, Eren got tomato and onion and Mikasa got her usual: meat-lovers.

  
“Mikasa. That’s kinda hardcore, most women get like fruit-cups or something.” Jean said, not meaning to sound like a douche. But sounding like a complete douche.

“You mean like yourself,” Mikasa replied deadpan with a nod to Jean’s Cranberry Walnut Salad, hold the dressing.

“Pft, well, that’s not..” he said, working himself into a blush. “I was just appreciating how much you **enjoy** meat. I, on the other hand, must keep myself in shape for Cross-Country next season.”

Armin was gawking at Jean’s unintentionally pun and flawed logic, as Mikasa was a much better runner than Jean. He kept side-eying Eren, wondering if they should bring it up or let it alone. Eren started grinning this strange creepy smile.

 

Mikasa looked like she was going to hit Jean, and Eren for that matter.

All she said was, “Jean, I hope you know what they do to the male horses that need to be tamed.”

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

Jean ended up eating most of Eren’s mini pizza.

He kept saying “IT’S SO GOOD. I DIDN’T KNOW PIZZA COULD TASTE THIS GOOOD.”

So after all the pizza, and Jean’s half-eaten salad, they order dessert to finish the ritual.

It was their custom to order Petra’s Famous Coconut Creme Cake. This was the most gorgeous cake that anyone had ever seen. Petra, the owner of Sawney’s daughter, came up with the recipe. The cake is said to be the last hope left in existence to kill veganism and atheism; everyone who’s taste buds get a lick off the famous Golden Mango buttercream is said to believe in some sort of higher being. Most just start worshipping Petra, who was already some sort of goddess for the record.

 

Anyway, it was saved as a tradition by the trio to cheer up Eren, so he wouldn’t get in a stump.

 

It was the first time it didn’t work. The sight of the ambrosial dish laced with coconut shavings reminded him of all the times he had to rely on the cake’s mysterious power to pull him from a stupor. It reminded him of all the girls he would have loved to loved.

 

Why was he so unlucky in love? It didn’t make sense. He wasn’t sneaky or rude or anything with any of his past girlfriends. Just uncharacteristically dispassionate with the _beautiful_ girls he wanted to love.

Armin was eating his slowly and Mikasa had already slaughtered hers. Jean raised his to his mouth and stopped.

 

“Eren, what’s wrong?”

Eren stood up, and paid a sum of money that would have covered the entire meal.

  
That’s when he ran out into the night and ran without looking back.

*  *  *  *  *


	2. Under The Silver Clouds and Lonely Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean goes after Eren.
> 
> Eren is quiet and lovely.
> 
> Jean remembers.
> 
> "A Love(?) like War"

_In which memories are remembered and feelings go unsaid._

*  *  *  *  *

 

Eren flat out booked it from the diner and left no explanation.

After dropping off Mikasa and Armin in his rusty old car, Jean went out searching for Eren.

He pleaded with God that Eren would not get hurt.

  


*  *  *  *  *

 

It started off as a simple, kind gesture.

 

He heard from Annie that Mina and Eren were toast, ka pooie, old news. She predicted this.

Not that her “premonition” was that big of a deal. Eren was just… not that good of a boyfriend. Or friend for that matter. 

That’s not to say Eren wasn’t a good friend to Mikasa or Armin. But that was about it.

 

Angsty, passionate, and lacking in the social department, this was the Eren Jean knew. Naturally, when Eren walked to the park in his hoodie with his emerald eyes all bloodshot, Jean knew something was up.

 

Jean knew that he had to be a good friend for once.

 

Eren’s confession of feelings really touched him.

Jean was very confused that Eren came at all, if you considered their background as friends.

Most of their relationship revolved around competition in gym class or test scores.

 

Then the occasionally punches mutually thrown, although it was more impulse than cold-blooded bitterness between them.

 

When Eren hugged Jean, everything went out the window. And it brought back memories that he had worked so hard to forget. Feelings that he locked away. 

Jean was afraid of feeling that way again about someone again. The last time it happened, things went south.

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

Jean found Eren under the silver clouds and the lonely moon. The boy was sitting with his legs dangling over the sea from the cliffs peak, and a blue metal railing secured his position. The night casted a hue that softened Eren’s features.

 

Eren showed little reaction to Jean’s car pulling up. Jean remembered this place.

This was the place that he had his first kiss. It didn’t feel that long ago. Yet so much had changed.

 

The peak of this cliff looked out on to an ever-expanding horizon of sea and sky. It was always picturesque. A promenade was built on the scenic cliff-side. Eren sat next to a telescope.

 

He sat on the edge with Eren and just admired the view for a while. Being quiet with Eren was nice and different.

Being quiet himself was more difficult, because Jean was the thing that changed the most after Marco Bodt died.

 

But since this was the spot where he first was kissed and kissed back, a sacred silence overcame him. Whether silence was for Marco or for that memory, Jean didn’t know.

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

Eren was the one who broke the quiet of the night.

“... Why did you come after me?” Eren felt heat rise to his face. Not in anger, as was usual when he saw Jean. In a blush.

 

“.....”

 

“.....”

 

“Well, I was worried. Why else?”

 

“Yeah? Since when were you a worry wart? And when did you start caring about me?” Deep down, Eren was pursuing an answer.

 

“..I just didn’t want you to do something you’d regret. And we’ve many not always be buddy-buddy.. but we’ve always been friends.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

It should have been really a nice thing for Jean to say.

Eren was irritated that Jean didn’t know that wasn’t the answer.

Eren needed to be needed. Eren wanted more than anything for something new to happen to him more than anything.

 

He turned to Jean and gave him a stupid face.

 

*  *  *  *  *

 

While Jean was driving Eren home, the silence was no longer comfortable.

“I’m turning on the radio.” Eren stated. This was Eren’s politeness, Jean noticed. Either way, Jean couldn’t care less. 

“Hm, you have all the good stations.” There was an Eren complement, which still felt blunt. Like Jean needed Eren’s approval.

 

All the other stations were on commercial breaks, so Eren choose a station that happened to play “Love like War” by All Time Low.

 

“AW SWEET I LOVE THIS SONG!”

 

“ME TOO DUDE!”

 

After much off-pitch singing and discussion on whether Vic Fuentes or Alex Gaskarth made the song (Opinions: Eren, Jean, respectively), they pulled up to Eren’s house.

 

Eren was about to get out and then stopped. “Look, I’m really grateful that you talked to me twice today.” 

“Don’t miss me too much, pumpkin,” Jean said mockingly.

“I’ll try not to.” Eren said it so sincerely that Jean almost choked.

 

*  *  *  *  *

That night, Jean listened to “A Love Like War” as he doozed on to sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for dropping the Marco Bomb.  
> Also I know that my last chapter was kinda small. Forgive me  
> Also I realize that the weakness of this series is the overdevelopement of the relationship within the time span.
> 
> Disclaimer on the song "A Love like War" which is not mine, but it belongs to All Time Low and features Vic Fuentes.


	3. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's favorite thing for down time is to take a bath. Whilst doing this, he reflections on the day's events and how he feels about Jean.

_In which Eren takes a bath is (maybe) gay_

*  *  *  *  *

 

“Look, I’m really grateful that you talked to me twice today.”

 

“Don’t miss me too much, pumpkin,” Jean said mockingly.

 

“I’ll try not to.” Eren said it so sincerely that Jean almost choked.

 

Eren walked the awkward stretch to his door and his words wore heavy on his shoulders as he realized the depths of the sincerity of what he just said.

He closed his house door as he entered his house.

The lights were out; a note explained that dinner was in the microwave. His parents were still out on their date.

 

Tired from the day’s events, he drew a bath.

 

When Eren took baths, it was almost a spiritual experience. He exchanged candlelight for the fluorescent light, scattered rose petals in the steamy waters, and played the mixtape for baths Mikasa made for his last birthday.

  
To be sure, this was a secret ritual for Eren. He would be much to embarassed to reveal this to anyone. Save Mikasa or Armin, who know to only bring efferscent bath salts and melancholic bath mixs in secret, hushed moments. 

 

Eren lowered his body into the scented waters as the first track of his mixtape played. The song, “Remembering Sunday,” played as sort of quiet backdrop to the boy’s thoughts. The day was just too eventful.

 

Why was Jean being so nice to him? Mina wasn’t that big of a deal. Even his conniption fit earlier should not have warranted Jean’s sudden paradigm shift of character. Maybe now he wouldn’t be so kind, as he seemed to have alienated himself with his slip up. Such was the way of Eren’s adolescence: he always said things which drove others.

 

All of a sudden, a single, salty tear streamed down Eren’s face.

How could he care this much about Jean? Kirschstein?

  
He wouldn’t be losing so much if Jean was freaked out about Eren.

 

*  *  *  *  *

After towelling off his worries and wetness, Eren plotted how he would make things better with Jean. How he would smoothly win Jean’s affectio- REASSERT HIS HETEROSEXUALITY.

 

 _ **Whoa.** Maybe I’m not straight._  Eren asked as himself this question as the twilight poured into his little room, illuminating the periwinkle walls with a shade of night and darkness.

 

Certainly it was not the first time he had asked this question. But this was maybe the first time an affirmative answer didn’t seem so left park. Either way the real question stood: could he be **gay** for Jean?

 

The summer length stretched with an infinity of answers.

 

Eren looked himself in the mirror, his eyelashes fluttering and his heart’s pulsations emanating from with emerald-tinted irises.

  
_Yes_. Yes he could.

 

(Possibly.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remembering Sunday is again, All Time Low's work, as well as whoever made and published the song.  
> It is not mine, or used with any sort of affliation.
> 
> That out of the way, expect another chapter soon. This was a disappointly short chapter but, I have finals and shit to do. Not much planning could go into the structure and so I elected to make it shorter as it seems better that way in a structural sense. I plan on revising the previous chapters and even adding a few things, so there that. Also expect a supplement one-shot from Armin viewpoint within this series' collection.
> 
> Also, try taking a bath sometime, instead of a shower. They are nice and soothing.  
> Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen and Gentlepeople for giving kudos and encouraging me to write this. I hope my efforts to revise this work will not go in vain.


	4. Premonition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our healthy stallion is crushing so hard, it hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay im updating from my shitty 4 year old phone because my laptop is being weird so bare with me. I think the text will look weird without paragraph spacing but i swear u guys dont deserve this im so sorry. I dont even have a QWERTY keyboard on my phone but i love you all so much that im wasting my entire freetime to write about jeans wet dream. brace yo' self

It had been a week since Jean had seen or even contacted Eren. A lingering sense of awkwardness had crept upon the boy. A fear of rejection and humiliation kept Kirschtein from calling Eren or just shooting hoops like they had been doing. As the adage goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder (to which Mrs. Kirschtein would replace absence with abstience), Jean had been blasting All Time Low in his bedroom for the entire week. His voice was rough from roaring along to the lyrics. The boy was dizzy from thinking about Eren, and he was starving for affection. That night at dinner, Mrs. Kirschtein noticed her son's strange behavior. "So, Jean. What's up? You seem daydreamy." Jean didn't even hear her had she not repeated her inquiry. "Perhaps its a girl," his father supplied. Jean's blush glowed like a red lantern. "No its exactly not." Jean was able to relax enough with that actually being the truth.  
"Is it a boy?" his mother said nonchalantly.

Jean's blush was radiating.

"W-what?"

His parents looked at each other with a knowing look. "Sweetie. You've never dated a girl to our knowledge. This changes nothing, you're still our son," his mother stated. "A-and we remember how Marco made you seem so free. You've never been the same per-"

"Thanks mom. Yeah. It is a boy. And yes, I'll never forget Marco." Jean stood up.

"May I be excused. All this is a little too much."

Normally, Jean would have to help with after dinner chores, but his father saw how being outted by your mother and dicussing your dead first love could be distressing. 

It was one am and Jean was pondering things. When Marco and Jean would lie in the meadow, Marco would look up at the clouds and wonder and dream out loud. Jean never was much of a talker. He would sketch little things, like the tall grass or a ladybug. "Do you think we'll be together forever?" Marco asked, staring intently at the sky.

"I don't know what the future holds, but I think I'd to kinda like to just stay here. Sleep here with you."

Jean should have promised Marco that they would have. He should have.

"Draw me."  
Marco looked down from the wispy clouds and repeat it. "Draw me."

He never did.

Now, Jean sat in his bed.

"Draw him. Draw Eren."

Jean was shit at listening to Marco when it mattered, but he did it.

"Jesus JEAN! COLOR HIM! YOU HAVE ONE FUCKING JOB."

Jean added an emerald color to the eyes before the loose watercolor dripped, splattering green across the paper.

His folly made Eren's finally feel like the real Eren.

Jean add more colors like teal and lime and seafoam and colbalt. Streaks of kaliedoscope color set in Eren's smoldering glare.

Jean drifted to sleep.

In his dream, Eren was a giant. He had impish ears, and those eyes like sin, glowing a green blaze. Then the giant shrunk and devored Jean. 

Eren kissed him hard and made him drunk with passion. Jean's body singed like sparks, moving to meet Eren's pacing and movements.

Jean woke up, panting heavily screaming his name.

And praying his parents didn't hear that.


	5. Slumber Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren sleeps over Armin's.
> 
> Applesauce is comforting.
> 
> Pianos are nice.
> 
> Draw me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many errors in the last chapter. I would edit them but I felt like I need to make a chapter for this little brat and also give a comfort chapter because last chapter was weird on many levels.  
> Please bare with me, the only way to update and edit is through my phone, things are a little frazzled with me.  
> I want to add some supplemental oneshots to this and Im working on wrapping up the main series. I want to try my hand at something darker for my next snk fic and I've learned so much about plot, structure, theme, and pacing. I plan on giving this 5 more chapters. Halfway there.

Eren stuffed his mouth with Petra's famously good waffles. The prelude to Armin and Mikasa's sleepover/karokee/chick-flick party began at the dinner.

It is widely known that all good things start with Petra's grub.

It was a welcome change for Eren, who recently spent many long hours waiting for a certain someone to text him. Eren had sorta accepted the fact that Jean was creeped out by him and was totally straight. Totally, even if he had gone to the halloween dance in italian leather prada shoes.

That boy worried him.

At any rate, Mikasa was just polishing off here insane order of chicken and waffles and a side fries when someone walked into the dinner.

Armin's jaw dropped, practically landing in his ketchup.

Eren's eyes popped out of his skull.

Mikasa stared.

Levi, the short, grumpy bowling alley owner glided into the dinner. He had pink flowers and was wearing a sleek grey suit.

"What are you little shitfaced brats staring at?"

"The spectale of you in a suit," Armin shot back.

Eren roared with laughter as Mikasa hiccupped.

"You are going to eat those words, blondie."

"Why are you even wearing a sui-"

To answer his question, Petra skipped out of the kitchen.

"Ah captain! I will be with you ASAP! Let me just change out of these here rags." Petra ran up the stairs of the diner to her apartment.

"Take your time, sugar," Levi said cooly.

Within five minutes, Petra threw on a dress, sloppily slapped on a bow and called it good.

It was weird, seeing them. They were day and night. Petra's cheeriness with Levi's gentle calm. They looked so goddam funny, too.

Petra had a motherfucking sundress. It didn't really matter.

*

For some, Mikasa sleeping over would be scandalous. But grandpa Arlet didn't care. He knew how the boys viewed Mikasa. And he trusted Mikasa.

Grandpa Arlet smiled to himself as he heard Armin singing "Don't You Want Me" with a falsetto.

The chick flick tradition was started in part of Mikasa's secret love of them. Most were classics, like "Sixteen Candles" or "Roman Holiday".

Tonight was "the Notebook."  
Eren wasn't digging it. 

*

"Eren. Why are you crying?" Mikasa asked, ever conscience of Eren's emotions.

"It's - nah. It's nothing." Then Eren lost it and started sobbing.

"Eren."

She never pushed him to talk about something. Never could.

"It's not that big of a deal."

Stubborn ass.  
Armin gave him a look.  
"If it is making you cry, we wanna know," he said, and Mikasa nodded.

Eren looked at them.  
*

Mikasa played the old piano Armin rarely used. She envied his possession of the ancient piano. 

Eren sat with applesauce in a cup, spooning it into his mouth.

"Don't you think Jean would have called me by now?"

Mikasa stopped the piano.  
"No. I think Jean is a weird kid. What you said was not that big of a deal. He probably didn't understand the depth of what you said," Mikasa said.

Armin agreed,"He honestly changed when that Bodt kid died. He withdrew. They were really close."

"Maybe I should just forget it. I'm going home Armin. I got work in two hours."

"Yeah I think I'll head out with you," said Mikasa.

*  
"Hello? J-Jean? I'm good. Yeah. Ok. I've been meaning to ask you. No. Really. Tonight? JEAN KIRSCHTEIN, ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT? Yes of course. I meant what I said. ok. I'll meet you there at 6:00. Yes. Bye horseface." 

All Mikasa could manage was a raised eyebrow.


	6. You Broke My Heart In The Best Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean is hopelessly in love.
> 
> But a shitty date planner.
> 
> Familiar feelings happen.
> 
> Bird in the Cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I think this is kinda important. Trigger Warning, detailed mention of suicide.
> 
> i didnt mean for this to happen. it happened im my soul so i have to write about it.

On Wednesday, Jean took Eren to an expensive restaurant. He had saved up for the date, using his own hard earned cash.

Before the date, Jean must have showered for 5 hours. He shaved, gargled his mouth thrice and borrowed his dad's tweed coat.

The amount of effort Jean put on was cute, his mom said.

"I don't look like I tried too hard."  
So the boy ruffled the top of his tawny hair.

Perfect. Equal amounts of disheveled I-don't-care with city slicker urbane factor. 

"Lookin' sharp my boy."

"Hey pops."

"I've never had a gay son. So I don't know what to say," started papa Kirschtein. "but treat Eren likes he's a lady if she were a man."

Be a gentleman. Don't dishonor yourself or Eren. Don't dishonor Marco.

"Will do," Jean agreed, understanding his father's attempt to, well, guide his son. 

Papa Kirschtein allowed Jean to use his car instead of Jean's rust bucket. At least, after his mother took 500 pictures. 

"It's not like it's prom or anything," Jean said, clearly flustered.

Jean picked up Eren after talking to Grisha for what seemed like an eternity.

Jean only memory of Dr. Jaeger was when the doctor came in to their health class teaching them sex ed.

Today's strange conversation was basically a repeat of that day in 6th grade.

Luckily Eren came down before Dr. Jaeger could begin talking about "the claps."

Eren was absolutely stunning. He wore a sleek blazer and a blood orange button up that made his green eyes pop.

It seemed that Mikasa help him apply a tight line of eyeliner and his eyelashes looked as long and thick as butterfly wings.

"What are you staring at?" Eren said. If he had meant to sound angry, he failed.

*

The meal would have been delicious had the homophobic owner not kicked them out of the restaurant after the salad.  
The owner caught wind that it was the couple's first date.

Still, it was nice salad.

Jean seemed to not be able to stop saying sorry.

"The more you say sorry, the more I want to hit you!" Eren said, raising his voice.

"I just wanted to have a first nice date with you," Jean remorsed.

Eren visibly softened. "I know," he replied bitterly, although that bitterness was directed at the restaurant owner. 

"Tell you what," Eren started, the gears in his head turning. "I will plan us another date. And don't worry, casual attire." Eren gestured in referance to coat and tie Jean had shed.

"Sounds like a plan. You're on."

*

It was next saturday that Eren sat behind the wheel driving a blind-folded Jean to a top secret location. 

When the car had stopped, Eren didn't need to see Jean in the act to scold him.  
"Fucking wait Kirschtein. Keep your blindfold on."

Jean pouted exaggerately and laughed when he heard Eren scoffing at him.

Leading him, Eren got him to where he wanted Jean to see where he had   
taken him.

After adjusting his eyes to the light, Jean cried.   
He was sobbing.

"Jean, what is it?"

"This the last place I took Marco before he committed suicide."

Eren widened his eyes. 

"I never told anyone this but, I was the one who discovered his body," Jean sobbed.

"Jean..."

Things had sort of calmed down by the time they both arrived at the car.

"You couldn't have known."

"Jean, you're shaking."

Jean pushed Eren on to the hood of the car and kissed him so hard.  
Maybe he thought the intensity would make him forget.

Maybe he thought of all the things he was afraid to do with Marco, maybe it was time Jean fought for what he wanted. 

Maybe, maybe.

Eren reciprocated with a relenting force. It almost was painful.

They gasped for air as the pulled back, both of them seeing colors brighter.

When they had finally stopped, Eren asked,"Why did you do that?"

Jean did it for a multitude of reasons.

He knew the true answer.

"You make me feel new again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry, please forgive me.


End file.
